Saturday, July 17, 2010

My baby died a little over 3 months ago and I miss her with every inch of my being, but I can't help but want to be a Mommy to an earth baby. I'll be 21 this year (I know I'm young) and my parents would kill me if I tried for another (I've lived on my own since 17yo by the way), but this is what I want. Everyone expects me to finish college first (I'll be a senior in the Fall) but I honestly don't think I could wait that long. It just kills me that I'm not pregnant already. My boyfriend/fiancee doesn't want to try right now for fear of another loss. Should I keep trying to please everyone else or should I do what my heart tells me as long as the boyfriend is on board? Thanks Ann!

Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry you did not get your opportunity to be a mother of an Earth baby. My heart breaks for you that you had to endure such heartache at the tender age of 20. I can hardly imagine what that is like. Seeing all your friends around you worried about petty problems while you are imagining holding your baby. Society has this messed up idea that there is a need to be "married", finished with school, of a certain age, to be a mother. I disagree 100%. I can see where they think that having things done "the right way" would make life easier, but they clearly do not know the pain of losing a baby. Easier would be if we did not know what this felt like, but we do and so we must now figure out how to go forward in our lives. In your case, you have a lot of things against you. You have the fear of your parents NOT supporting your rainbow. You have your Fiance afraid to go through this loss again. You are almost done with college. And you are 20 years old.

Do you want to know the ONLY problem I see here? It is that your Fiance is afraid. He is the one that needs to be on board because at the end of the day you want to create a life together. It would not be right for you to get pregnant unless he was completely on board. My advice for him is this THERE are NO guarantees in life. The ONLY guarantee is that there are NO guarantees! If you try now, or wait 3 years you will always remember the pain you experienced with losing your baby and the fear will always be there. My suggestion is to try and speak to a dr. together about what the plan of action would be for a future pregnancy (if that is even an option) What can prevent the loss? What are the risks? Once he gets a little more confidence about being a daddy again he may jump on board. My guess is that he is young too. Does he feel that he wants to wait longer because there are things he wants to experience too? Is fear the only thing holding him back?

There are PLENTY of adults that are parents and are still going to school. That should not be the concern. As a matter of fact continuing your education is really important as a parent. This makes you a great role model. I can see how everyone can have their opinion based on your age. But reality is, back in the day YOUR age is when people started their families. It is the new generation who feels that their lives are ready to start once everything is in place. I am a perfect example of this. I wanted to enjoy my teens/20's. Got engaged in my late 20's, was married for 3 years before we thought of starting a family and I still lost my baby. Just because you are older does not mean life will be perfect. It does not mean that you can handle something like this more. It just means you are older. Period. There are PLENTY of parents who think they know what is best for their children, even when they are married and settled down. When you get older your parents will STILL think they know what is best for you. My advice for them would be to accept your decisions and jump on board. I am sure they have hurt with this loss as well and even though they might not have been accepting from the beginning they would prefer the baby HERE than not. Which will most likely be the case with your rainbow.

You have to live your life. BUT, you have to make THESE decisions with your partner. This does not concern anyone but YOU and HIM. Hope I was able to help...

But hey, that's just "My Two Cents"

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