Friday, July 16, 2010

My loss is about a month old, but all I can think about to pull myself through is having another baby. My husband is mostly on board (I think to make me happy). He is scared of a repeat loss. I don't think I am doing this to replace my angel, but I just don't know. I feel somehow guilty. Our angel was not planned, but he made me realize how much was missing in my life. Do you think it's healthy? Did you think about having another almost immediately?

Dear kelly,

I am sorry to hear about your recent loss. It is absolutely normal to want a baby so soon. If you look at the people who have had the blessing of a rainbow its almost like they started as soon as they were able to ttc again. The reason behind it is WE WERE READY for this baby...Our arms LITERALLY ache to hold a baby and you have every right to want to feel that baby in your arms. Sometimes the "surprise" babies can make you realize what you really do want in life. As for your husband's fears of this happening again, that is also normal. We ALL fear this. But we have to consider it this way. In order for us to "get the prize" we have to risk our hearts again. I will say though that I would want you BOTH to be ready together. You have to realize that men do not like to see us in pain, and after a loss they pretty much will do ANYTHING to fix it, since they cant fix "it". So talk to him. Communication is the most important part after a loss and especially BEFORE a rainbow. I am not sure how or what caused your loss, but I would make sure that all precautions are taken before you ttc again. If you have a great plan with your dr and your husband on board then I say go ahead and try.

You can NEVER replace your son. It is impossible. He has left an imprint on your heart that has forever changed you. He taught you a very important thing about your life, and what is NOW important to you. You would only be making him a big brother.

I did not consider ttc right away. I was scared. I knew in my heart I wanted a baby more than anything (clearly why I was having one) but when I lost her so late in my pregnancy it brought lots of fear. But now that I have a great dr, and a plan to protect my next baby my husband and I are really excited to make Alyssa a big sister one day.

I wish you the best with your gentle with yourself. This roller coaster can really take the life out of you. Grieving is exhausting, literally. One day you want the baby the next day you get scared...take it one day at a time...Good luck!! Hope I was able to help..

But Hey, that's just "My Two Cents"


  1. Thanks for posting this DH & I also are very focused on ttc again, we just want a baby so badly. It's nice to hear that this is normal!