Friday, July 16, 2010

What is one thing that you do (or try to do) to be a good wife?

Marriage is hard work, and after you experience a loss you are basically going to be doing Over time less the "Time and a half pay"...

What I do with Anthony and what has worked for the 9 years we are together is always TALK!! But, sometimes talking is not enough. I always expect after we talk that he is magically going to understand and come running into my arms, whisping me around and we fall in love all over again...NOT GONNA HAPPEN. But at least I do not keep it all bottled up inside. What I have noticed through this loss is that we are not always on the same page. IT is so annoying to feel like maybe I care more, or he doesnt act like he cares about this or my feelings. But after a good talk I ALWAYS feel better.

What I really suggest is keeping the "romance" alive. Most of the time guys just need some love. Being intimate after a loss can really be different for everyone. For ME, I thought I would NEVER think of it again. But I did and it was not long after and it was beautiful. For that time we are together whether its just hugging, kissing, or (wink wink) we are ourselves again...Lots have changed around us but THAT has just gotten us close again. It is important to let a man feel close to you, and unfortunately this doesnt work with everyone, so you have to find what works for your guy. Maybe you feel down lately and have not been paying too much attention to him. Maybe surprising him with his favorite dinner and a kiss when he walks through the door can make him feel like "the old you" is back. Lots of times, the men not only lose the babies but they lose US too. Reminding yourselves that you ARE in love is my advice.

So that is what I have been trying to do. Show some interest in his stuff (even though sports makes me gag). Started to put less stress on him of having to take care of me, and instead start to take care of HIM. Cooking, cleaning and even rubbed his feet last night after a long day at work. He does look at me like I am bi-polar, How can one day I cry that he doesnt understand and the next Im "Nice Ann" as he called me. But its because I love him, and he is my best friend. We have been dealt a Shitty card with this heart break and statistics are against us...and I will be DAMNED if I lose my husband to some percentage that says we WONT make it.

What I also do, is talk with my friends. I vent to get others' point of view and no matter what I get as feed back I still do it my way. Which is to just talk. I can not expect him to be a mind reader, that just would be in a perfect land and we DEFINITELY do not live in one. Lots of times you do not realize that EVERYONE goes through this hurdle in the process, and even if you are NOT in this process you still come across a time in your marriage where you feel like you do not know each other anymore...My advice...GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER AGAIN....make a conscious effort to keep you in your husbands mind.

Good luck Kelley, it is hard work, but you will get through this WITH him...

But hey, That's just "My Two Cents"

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