Saturday, August 7, 2010

I don't know what to do. Lately I am coming across more and more people that assume that because I am having a good day that I am healed. I want to continue to move forward but I am so scared people will think I am over it and judge me when I am having a bad day. This happens all the time and it makes me feel worse.

This is a common thing in our 'new normal'.  I have witnessed many people give their own version on what a good time line is to move on.  What they do not realize is, when we move on we are really only moving forward.  We do not forget what happened to us. And we certainly do no go back to being ourselves.  This is the damn part of the grieving that is just not understood by the rest of the world.  Many BLMs are made to feel like they are doing this right or wrong for the way they express themselves.  In this New Normal, there is absolutely no right or wrong.  I always say to embrace the feelings you have today.  That is the only way you can truly heal.  Holding feelings inside to fool others or worse, fool yourself will only bring you deeper into the pit when you fall.  The only thing I can say is you have to do what works for you.

If you are smiling and laughing today, then by all means enjoy it and embrace the happiness.  If there is anything that we deserve is those times of a really good HARD laugh.  I remember feeling like Carrie from Sex and the City 1, when she was left at the alter and thought she would never laugh again.  Then she see Charlotte crap her pants in Mexico and really did laugh hard.  It is moments like those that make us feel normal again and I totally think its ok.

If you find yourself not wanting to leave your bed today, maybe its an anniversary or the baby or just the fact that is a damn Monday...then that is ok too.  Allow yourself to cry and feel the sadness because as I am only seeing myself those days lesson more and more....the pain is there but the days of wanting to hide from the world do decrease.  Not just with time, but with experience and healing.  Time is NOT the medicine here.  Time is just a factor in it.  Some times time is just another reminder of how long the baby is gone, and how long you been sad, and how long you have not held them.  Time can be the enemy here as well.

My therapist told me that those that go ahead and act like nothing is wrong are not grieving publicly.  Instead those people are holding their pain inside for themselves.  Showing pain takes a lot of nerve.  No one likes to be judged.  No one wants to hear criticism.  People like me honestly just do not care.  I am not concerned with people assuming that I am in the wrong place.  In my opinion the RIGHT place would be in a rocking chair breast feeding my baby, so to me there is no wrong place in grief.

I really hope that you can get your friends, family and those that are not supportive to you to understand that you are doing the best you can with the WORST experience possible.  They need to just respect the fact that they do not really know what you are going through and give you as much time as you need to heal.  Do NOT feel you need to rush to show face.  In the long run you are only hurting yourself.  They will have moved on for real in their lives and you will be stuck in the grief.

Grief comes in stages and eventually turns into the Roller Coaster from hell.  The good days are SO GOOD, and then the bad days hit you like a ton of bricks.

God bless you and all the BLMs that have to have any added stress.  A good support system is the key to healing.  Sometimes you can only get the support from people you physically will never even know *sigh*....but it is so true.  Hope I was able to help you

But hey, it is just My Two Cents!!!

1 comment:

  1. I so know what you mean. and it sucks. I can have a really good day one day or even just a good moment and the it all comes crashing down. Those days suck. but it's apart of healing. I've learned to let myself feel what i feel and i am so thankful for the good days.