Friday, August 13, 2010

Two Cent Fridays....

Today on this 'Two Cent Friday" I would like to ask my fellow BLMs what their 'two cents' are on Guilt.

I have come across many of these thoughts myself since losing my daughter and even though I know I did EVERYTHING I could have to protect her, the thoughts do creep in my head from time to time.  Did I eat right?  Did I sleep right?  Did I drink enough water?  What if I went to the Dr. sooner?  What if I did this or that?  These thoughts on their own can drive a person crazy.  It is enough to slow down the healing at any given point.

My two cents on it?  If you TRULY believe it was your fault, it most likely wasnt.  I really believe that guilt is just a part of the grieving process and ANY good mother would come across a moment of it or not. That is what mother's do.  They protect their babies and they worry for them.  Just like when a child falls and scrapes thier knees, you ask yourself "Why did I not run and grab them quick enough"....I believe though the situations are different, that the idea of having to keep our babies safe is a major part of the guilt.

What would you tell a fellow BLM that is really blaming themselves?  Would you suggest therapy?  Would you suggest talking with other BLMs to feel less guilty?  For myself, therapy has helped a lot.  I hear from an 'outsider' that it is not my fault and that really validates me.  I also repeat to myself "I did NOT do this.  This was my body, but it was not ME"  That has seemed to help as well.

Thanks for participating in this week's Gimme your two cents...this question comes from a very close BLM of mine who really feels so guilty months later.  Any advice you can giver her, please leave it here.  Even how you were able to come past this point can help her out.



  1. I would suggest BOTH therapy and talking to fellow baby loss moms.
    for me, I went to therapy for a few sessions before I left texas. and it helped. but at the same time It was hard for me to except hearing "Its not your fault" from an outsider who hasnt been where I am. professional or not. though therapy DID help me.. my BLMs helped me more. I wish I connected with more BLMs but I more so just read everyones blog and left a little comment here and there. either way.. there are so many BLMs who have helped me. reading their blogs seeing that they too have been guilty and have felt how I feel, me, being an outsider looking in on their story realizing there was nothing they could have done to prevent losing their precious babies, but yet they feel the guilt I feel... made me really sit back and realize, "I didnt know I was in preterm labor" "I didnt know my baby was going to die, because had I known, I would have been at the ER immediatley"
    I too think its a part of our grieving process. I think your right, us as mothers feel we should always protect our little ones. and when we cant. we feel helpless. and confused. because were SUPPOSED to protect our babies.. and what are we supposed to do when we cant???

    this is the first time ive gotten around to checking out this ann! and it is a wonderful idea and I love it!

  2. I deal with that thought a lot. I know that i did all i could but sometimes i feel like it's my body who couldn't do right therefore it's my fault b/c it's my body. but i think it's a part of this roller coaster. some days i'm up and others down. but in my heart i know i did the best i knew how.

  3. Surprisingly, I haven't felt a ton of guilt. I don't blame myself...but I am trying to blame something. God, the universe, luck...i don't know. I watched a show today where a woman who was very pregnant got attacked by a shark, it bit her stomach and she lost half the blood in her body. But...she lived and the baby lived and is thriving. I said to my husband..."this woman was practically cut in half and her baby is still alive. I rested, ate the right things and did nothing to jeopardize jackson's life and he is dead." Those thoughts are what I feel guilty about. The jealousy of other women. I hate it.