Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I lost my baby a few months back. Sometimes I feel like I am just too surrounded by loss and it makes me depressed. But I don't want anyone to feel alone. Is it wrong to feel like this?

Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear about your baby.  I can understand all too well about feeling like there is so much loss around you.  I often wonder if this is why Baby Loss is Taboo?  Is it because of hearing what can actually happen that makes you continue to live in fear.

It is absolutely normal to feel like there is too much surrounding you and I encourage you to listen and read as often or as little as you need. About 3 months ago I realized I needed to step back a bit and I stopped reading new stories and stopped following new blogs.  I was still really grieving and it was hard for me to comfort others while I was still trying to 'find myself' if you will.  Now that I am in a different place I have slowly gotten back into it.  I have to say that it does educate me more on how others speak about their loss and sometimes I just feel 'better' after knowing I am not alone in my sadness.

Truth is this is a sad event.  Yes there will be stories of rainbows and good endings, but all those stories start with a sad beginning and in fact can be depressing.  What you have to ask yourself is very simple.  Have I reached my limit?  Everyone has a limit on what they will or will not be able to handle.  I have come to the point a few times and its then where I 'step back' for a bit and regroup and reorganize my thoughts.  When you start to feel consumed with grief it is usually a good time to allow yourself to just step away from the community for a bit.  There will always be someone there to comfort the others, and you should not feel obligated to do so.  Everyone can understand your thoughts and it is ok to want to 'get a breather' from it all.  I encourage other BLMs to comment here for this mom so that she can hear other opinions on this as well.  I am just one person speaking on how I feel about this.  Sometimes a question like this is better answered by more than one person...((hugs)) to all of those that have felt this at one point.  I know I sure have.

Hope I was able to help, But hey this is just "My Two Cents"


  1. I think taking a breather is essential. I'm sure some of us will one day take a breather and.. never come back. But I think that's ok, either way. There's never a right way to grieve or an appropriate way to approach the community. We just have to do what's best for ourselves. <3

  2. Ann, you write so beautifully. I know I needed a break while I was pregnant again. But, ultimately I love reading and finding new mommies to send love to. xo

  3. I agreee. It's okay to take a step back when feeling overwhelmed by loss. It is so much to take in at times and can often be heavy on your heart. I've felt this way at different times and when i do i just step back for a bit and catch up when i can handle it. You have to be good to you.. Sending you hugs.